I have to say this has been one hell of a year so far…bravo, 2017 for kicking me right in the tits and not giving a fuck.

January/February my dad was in the hospital because he’s an alcoholic and being an asshole to his body. I chose not to blog about that…at least I don’t think I did? It makes me angry. Anyways. Followed by my friend, Jamie, passing away…which I blogged about. Then comes April Fool’s Day. Of all days he goes…he goes on April Fool’s Day. Always such a joker, my grampa.

That was probably the hardest thing I’ve gone through in my 35 years. From seeing him at the hospital…to picking out the flowers…to the wake and funeral (open casket *sigh*)…to the burial the next day with TAPS playing. God, it was so hard. I haven’t cried that much in I don’t know when. Seeing my mom, aunts, uncle cry was hard enough. But my gramma… she was a wreck. She tried keeping spirits up and being her jokey self. But she couldn’t keep it up for long. I would be the same way.

They were together for 62 years! My grampa cheated on my gramma long, long ago. But they made it work. I’m sure she was still mad at him for that. But they held it together and loved each other so much. Love isn’t like that anymore. When someone does something wrong your first instinct is to throw it away…usually. I guess I could have tried longer than 4 years…but it didn’t look like it was going anywhere. After 4 years of trying and going nowhere I was exhausted. It was either be miserable for the next 60 years or end it while I’m still young. I picked the latter!

Between my grampa and Jamie…it’s been a hell of a few months. Sometimes I’ll hear Jamie’s song on the radio and start crying…and then I start thinking about my grampa and it just gets worse. It seems like life isn’t fair…but I do know my grampa had a long fulfilling life. He was a veteran, a father, a grandfather, a husband, a brother, a friend, a son, a chief fire officer…he saw a lot and did a lot. And he ALWAYS made us smile.

My grandfather, Joseph.

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