“Small Canadian town will give land and job to anyone willing to move…”

I have been seeing this article floating around Facebook the past few days and my God, it is really tempting. I mean, look at this view…LOOK AT IT! But then it got me thinking…again…


I have $1200 in the bank right now after getting paid and collecting rent from my roommate… I have no children, I’m not married. I could just say “fuck my bills” and “fuck this job” and “fuck this state” and get a cheap one-way ticket to Wherever. Maybe I could pick up a fake passport and ID and start a new life as a totally different person. Get a job as a porn star or sell my dirty panties to perverts and be a millionaire. I bet there are some dirty motherfuckers who would pay a lot of money for my panties. I don’t know though, my cho-cha is pretty clean, my panties usually don’t smell. I would probably go broke trying to sell them. I would have to dribble water from a can of tuna on them to get them extra funky… Or, I could run away to somewhere tropical and marry a sugar daddy and have dirty monkey sex with Ricardo, the ripped twenty-year old Dominican pool boy who is always sweaty…while my sugar daddy is on his death bed as I’m about to absorb all of his companies and twenty billion dollars in unmarked bills. Ohhh, Ricardo…


My life isn’t horrible. I pay my bills, have fun, have awesome sex, have amazing friends and family. Yet, I still have the urge to just *poof*, be gone. I can’t be the only one who has these urges?

Of course, anytime I think about it, I immediately feel guilty. Teenage Lulu starts talking to me “Dude, Mom would be soooo pissed.” Yeah, yeah… shut UP already. We all know I would never do it anyways, I don’t have the balls. Besides, I love my Momma too much.

I’m sorry, my bitches, to get all serious and weird. But I felt like I needed to get it off my chest. And besides, this is my goddamn blog.