This seems like a good time to introduce the cast of men that have entered and/or left my life thus far. I call them “supporting cast” not because they were ever so supportive, but because the majority of them did not play major parts in my life.
Again, all names have been changed to protect the innocent. As if they could be innocent. They’re men.
I have to mention my first serious boyfriend in high school because since him I have never met a man who measured up to him. His name was J.C. He died when he was about 23. He was my soulmate, the love of my life, funny, cute, sweet, he never pressured me into having sex with him, he was a hit with my family and friends, and he treated me like gold. We talked about our future all the time, how he wanted to be with me forever and have a house, dog, two cars, maybe a few kids… After he died I dreamed of him almost every night. Until one night in my dreams he whispered that it was going to be okay, and he left my dreams forever. I will love him until the day I die and only on that day I will be able to see him once again.
Phew…too many feels there. Moving on.
Billy (so big of an asshole that he doesn’t deserve a clever nickname) gets an honorable mention because he was THE worst fuckboy out of all the fuckboys in the history of fuckboys. I met this guy and for weeks I had no idea he had a serious girlfriend because he would hide all the picture frames in his room from me. Only until I tried tagging him in photos of us at a wedding…did I find out he had a girlfriend. She contacted me and told me everything. We’re still acquaintances. She then proceeded to set me up with her ex-boyfriend, J…
So around the end of winter/beginning of spring in ’11 there was J, my boyfriend of 2 years who dumped me. We had some issues…but I will always have a soft spot for J. It was like a Nicholas Sparks story…except there wasn’t a happy ending. Bah.
But he ate that ass like groceries.
Between J dumping me and the time I met my husband, I was having casual sex with Mr. Big, whom I met in Buffalo back in 2009. I thought I was in love with him at one point in my life, but it was just lust. (Yes, I am stealing the nickname from Sex & The City…but it’s fitting because that boy is blessed. I still claim he took my virginity at 27 years old). It’s always fun to tell guys that!
Then came my husband. We will simply call him Fuckboy. I cannot even begin to delve into that goddamn shit storm of a marriage. Not right now…I’m too sober for that shit.
After Fuckboy and I separated, there was J again (a one-nighter to satisfy my dry spell of 12 months)…there were a couple of dates that went absolutely nowhere (Farmboy and BK), a Catfisher, a lot of creepy guys that had to be permanently blocked from my life, and a couple fuck buddies/one-nighters that didn’t go anywhere (Bae).
I am pretty sure the list of idiots will just keep growing…until I find someone who can put up with my stubborn ass and not act like a little bitch about it.